“In the best conversations, you don’t even remember what you talked about, only how it felt.”
John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
A great conversation can be exciting, comforting, and revealing, all at once, especially if you are talking with someone with several decades of experience and memories. It is powerful to be able to share stories and reminisce with loved ones. Making the time to connect this way can be one of the most healthy, rewarding, and enriching things you can do – for both you and your partner in conversation.
Sharing memories and stories can influence health and happiness in older adults, while providing incredible insights into the past life of your loved one. All it takes is to start talking.
Easier Said Than Done?
In this day and age of social distancing and the customary behavior to communicate by phone or video call, talking face to face may be a lost art. You may be fearful of saying the wrong thing or of digging up a painful memory. You may just not know how to start.
Consider preparing a few ideas to ease into a conversation with the confidence that you can change the subject if you need a more stimulating topic.
To go beyond small talk or the weather, we’ve listed a few conversation starters to help get the ball rolling.
What was it like when you were young?
Asking about the past when your loved one was young can give you a better understanding of your family’s history and is an easy way for many to open up and share childhood memories. Each question below invites further exploration.
- Where were you born? What was your neighborhood like?
- Did you work when you were young? What was your job like?
- What was your favorite color/food/game when you were young?
- Did you go to the movies when you were young? Did you have a favorite movie?
- What world event sticks in your memory?
- What was the trend in clothes when you were young?
You can share your memories on any of these topics and then ask your loved one to share as well.
What was your family like?
If you are conversing with your grandparents, you can ask about your mom or dad (their daughter or son). Ask about their experiences at major milestones in their lives.
- What was my mom (or dad) like when they were young?
- How did you decide on her/his name?
- What’s something funny that she did when growing up?
- Did your family go on vacation? What do you remember about it?
- How did you meet your spouse?
- What do you remember about your parents?
- What made you proudest as a parent?
- Where was your favorite place to live?
- Did someone give you good advice when growing up? What was it?
- How did your family celebrate holidays? Which was your favorite?
What is your philosophy about life?
Conversations about loved ones, values and principles can give you a sense of how your senior loved ones view themselves and see the world.
- What was the best day of your life?
- Who in the family are you most like? How are you and I similar or different?
- What is your favorite expression?
- What is your most treasured possession?
- What is the highest compliment you have ever received?
- What family traditions do you want us to remember and keep alive?
- What are some of your best qualities?
- If you had three wishes, what would they be?
- If you received a million dollars, what would you do with it?
- What was your dream or goal as a young person? Did your goals change over the years?
What is going on in your life today?
Asking about your loved ones’ day-to-day experiences can give you a sense of their health and state of mind.
- What hobbies or interests have you been enjoying lately?
- Who do you see most often?
- What is your favorite part of your day?
- What was the last book/album/movie that you enjoyed?
- What activities do you look forward to? Is there a fun event planned soon?
- What is most important to you at this time of your life?
- What has stayed the same about you throughout your life? What has changed the most?
What Life Lessons Did you learn?
Older adults often want to talk about the lessons they’ve learned and share their thoughts and opinions. Their perspectives on life are important to them and are often eager to share them.
- What have been some of the most influential moments in your life?
- In your opinion, what does it mean to be successful in life?
- What advice do you have for living a “good” life?
- What has been the best part about growing older?
- When you were my age, what was different?
- Do you have a philosophy on life?
- What is the best thing about being a parent? A Grandparent?
Communication is crucial to staying social and being happy and healthy, no matter what age you are. Use these questions as a springboard to meaningful conversations and remember to listen attentively to the answers to truly connect with respect and understanding.
If a client or family member needs help in considering an upcoming move or has a problem with a pending transition, call 616-513-0433 or email Marie LeBlanc, who will be glad to answer any questions or schedule a consultation.