Caregiving from a Distance

The concerns and challenges of long-distance caregivers …

Caregiving from a distance According to a 2020 study by AARP Caregiving in the United States 2020, 11% of family caregivers live an hour or more away from their aging or ailing loved one. Many are taking care of family members from a distance of hundreds of miles.

Long-distance caregivers have the same concerns as those caring for family locally, but they also have to deal with other challenges. The most significant one, staying informed and knowing that their loved one is being looked after by capable and reliable individuals. Their peace of mind comes from excellent communication and a solid team “on the ground.”

What you need to know.

Learn as much as you can about your family member’s illness, medicines, and the resources that are available to you. Be familiar with the course of an illness and how to assist in the management of the illness.

It is imperative that the caregiver have written permission to receive medical and financial information. Obtain and fill out the necessary paperwork to ensure that you have access to physicians and others with whom you will need to confer.

Organize this vital information in a notebook on in a shared, secure online document. This information should include medical care, social services, contact numbers, and financial issues and contacts.

Difficult conversations

Financial – Discuss creating a plan for how to pay for health care and everyday expenses. Take into consideration money in savings, long-term care insurance, and investments, as well as large payments such as mortgage premiums or other outstanding loans.

Legal – If your loved one hasn’t designated a durable power of attorney for health care and financial decisions, talk about whom that should be and complete the process.

Emergency situations

Be sure someone locally has a key to enter the house in an urgent situation. If there is a security system, what is the code? Do you have the names and phone numbers of neighbors who can step in during an emergency?

Create a Team

Identify individuals who can be your eyes, ears, and sometimes hands-on to help in the overall care plan. You have the medical professionals on the case, but it is important to have caregiving helpmates. A friendly neighbor may be willing to mow the lawn. Another might pick up some groceries. You may need someone to drive to medical appointments.

Keep a roster of contact information for all team members with their roles defined and their phone and email address. Be certain that each person knows how to contact you and is encouraged to do so.

Plan conference calls or Zoom meetings so that you can talk together with various members of the team.

Consider hiring a geriatric care manager (sometimes called an aging life care manager), who along with nurses or social workers, can assist in mediating care decisions, including whether it is no longer safe for your relative to live at home.

Check out the following resources to locate licensed eldercare professionals in your area.

Stay in touch

Create various ways to communicate regularly with your team and with your loved one. Consider using FaceTime or Skype for video phone calls. You can use advanced technology to put certain tools in place such as video monitors, wearable activity trackers, pill monitors, and remote door locks to prevent wandering. Discuss these tools with your loved one or legal proxy and obtain permission to put any or all of them in place.

Communicate with team members in an email or text group to keep everyone up-to-date. Online scheduling tools such as Lotsa Helping Hands can make it easy for you and your team to stay current.

Talk to your human resource department at your place of work to see if you are eligible for unpaid time off from work for caregiving under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act. If not, see if you can arrange to work remotely when you leave town for a caregiving visit.

In-person visits

If you can manage an in-person visit, try to schedule key face-to-face appointments with professional service providers. If needed, you may use the time to interview home aides, housecleaners, or meet with any member of the team to discuss any concern.

Look for things in the home that may need attention, like a dripping faucet, light bulbs that need replacing, or a doorbell that doesn’t ring. Look to for signs that your loved one may need help with laundry, cleaning, or cooking.

While we may not want to think about such things happening, look for monetary abnormalities, such as missing checks or unusual payments. Watch for red flags of physical or emotional mistreatment, such as bruises, unexplained injuries, or an abrupt change in personality. Be especially concerned if your loved one mentions someone you’ve never met who visits often and has been very “helpful.”

Be sure to enjoy each other’s company while you are together. Make a plan so that you don’t find that your visit is over and you haven’t had time to do what is most important. Have fun. Go out to eat or invite neighbors over for a casual get together. Watch a movie. Play cards or a board game. Visit the library or attend a worship service. Shop for new clothes. Sit outside in the sunshine. Talk. Reminisce. Laugh.

Take care of yourself.

Nearly 15 million Americans provide unpaid care to an older adult. It is important that you take measures to care for yourself as well. It is one of the most important things you can do as a caregiver. Caregivers are more likely to have physical and emotional health problems.

Consider caregiving training

Getting some training in caregiving can be helpful whether you are the primary caregiver or live a distance away. Some local chapters of the American Red Cross have caregiving courses.

You’ll find more caregiving resources at the National Institute on Aging website.

If you have questions about caregiving for a loved one or need assistance with any of life’s transitions, email Marie LeBlanc at Transitions Liquidation Services or phone 617-513-0433.